I had to make the call. I didn’t want to. I had other things I wanted to do. All I wanted was to leave a voicemail, get in and get out, not have a conversation, something that stole precious minutes from my day. I had important things to do: read Mets blogs, take a nap, read Islanders blogs, watch “Get Smart” reruns – you know, important stuff.
I crossed my fingers and tapped the digits onto the screen of my cell phone. It rang on the other end. Please don’t pick up. All I want to do is leave a voicemail. Have mercy on me. I have no desire to talk to you. Another ring. Another. So far so good.
“Hello.”
Oh, no. The worst thing that could possibly happen had happened: the person I had called picked up the phone. Words could not describe my disappointment.
“Hello?”
What the hell was wrong with this person? I call them and they actually want to talk? Don’t they get it?
“Robert, are you there?”
Argh, foiled by caller id! I was stuck having to have an actual conversation. A phone call that began with the hope and promise of leaving a voicemail had gone horribly awry. How could he do this to me?
Talk talk talk. We had our conversation. It went well, all things considered. I observed all the proprieties of human interaction, chose the right words, modulated my tone when required by the semblance of empathy. What else could I do? When someone screws you like that, they don’t give you any choice.
Later in the day, I made another phone call and fortunately that time the person got it. I didn’t want to talk to him and he didn’t want to talk to me. Perfect. That’s what voicemail is for. I only wish more people would cooperate with me on this. I could avoid so many unwanted conversations if people just didn’t answer my phone calls.
Can we all agree from now on just to leave messages?
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