Poor Aunt Bonnie was dying and the doctors had given her very little time, ten days at the most. Her health had been poor for years, so it wasn’t a shock or a surprise, but all her family was upset, no one moreso than my wife.
Distraught for days, I had shrugged it off to her aunt’s illness. I was sitting in my recliner, laptop in lap, when she announced her intentions. “I can’t go to her funeral,” she said.
I shut the laptop. “What? Why not?” Was she afraid of an outpouring of excess emtion? Was she more upset than I realized?
Funeral Makeover: a relative's on death's door and you're bound to see childhood friends. What can you do? Share on XHer body waved like a flag. “There’ll be people there who haven’t seen me since high school.” She pleaded with her hands and looked down at her hips. I can’t go looking like this.”
I’m sure the befuddled expression on my face gave away my complete lack of comprehension. I stared at her, struggling to find something that would prevent her appearance at her aunt’s funeral.
“I can’t go unless I have a funeral makeover.”
Stressful Changes
I had no idea how stressful funerals were for women, but I was about to find out. The thought of seeing people my wife once knew back in grammar school had thrown her into a tizzy. I came home from work the next day to find her working out to a ten-year-old step DVD. After a half hour of maneuvers atop the lime-green platform, she stood in the living room, breathing hard.
“You’re off to a good start,” I said.
“Can you watch Colleen tomorrow? I have appointments to get my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and nails.”
“Sure.”
“I’m thinking about botox.”
“That’s cutting it close.”
“I can’t stand these wrinkles.” She pushed up on her cheeks.
“I’ll ask Aunt Bonnie to hold out.”
A Turn for the Worse
A day later, we received more bad news: Aunt Bonnie’s condition had gotten worse. It didn’t look like she was going to last the full ten days. The doctors gave her three days at the most. This was a real blow, to no one moreso than my wife, who was frantic with plans.
I walked into the kitchen to find her hunched over a notebook she’d begun recording her exercises and diet in. “I’m going to have to ramp up my training regimen,” she said.
“What’s next?” I opened the fridge and found myself buried by an avalanche of smoothies and other fruit drinks.
“Do you think I have time for a boob job?”
“There’s always time for that,” I said, digging out.
“I just want a little lift, nothing crazy.”
“Go crazy,” I said, reaching for a bag of chips on the counter. “Where are you off to?” I asked, seeing her start for the door.
“Out for a power walk,” she said. “I won’t be eating dinner tonight.”
“Got it,” I said, shoving a handful of potato chips in my mouth.
Failed Funeral Makeover
In the end, Aunt Bonnie didn’t even last the three days. My wife received the call in the midst of a set of leg lifts. After a brief conversation, she hung up as anxious as I’d ever seen her.
“Aunt Bonnie just died,” she said. “What am I going to do?”
“I’m sorry,” I said. I had opened a package of Nutter Butter cookies, the kind shaped like peanuts, and dealt myself a five cookie hand. “What do you mean?”
“The wake’s tomorrow, and I’m still twenty pounds from my goal. I can’t go.”
“Oh.” I flipped the top cookie on the deck into my mouth. “Okay.”
“No, it’s not. I’ll have to fast for the next twenty-four hours. How could Aunt Bonnie do this to me? This is a disaster!”
This funeral makeover was on the brink of collapse.
The Wake
Day of, Lana employed her glam squad to whip her into shape: Jay on makeup and wardrobe, Tony on hair, and Ting for nails. She was going to cut it close, but the all-night schvitz had managed to cut a few pounds. Once she laced up her Victorian corset, she’d be ready.
After several hours of mingling at the wake, she looked exhausted. “Met anyone yet?” I asked.
“Not yet, thank goodness. I’ve almost made it.” The happy expression peeled off her face. “Oh no.”
“What?” I turned towards the entrance. A contingent of men and women, all around my wife’s age, huddled around the guest book. “Friends?”
She nodded. “From high school.”
“Now’s your makeover moment. Your chance to shine,” I said.
“I’m going to hide in the ladies room.” She ducked her head and began a brisk walk towards the exit. Too late.
“Lana!” A woman waved at her. She looked up, grim, then attached a smile and walked towards the group, arms outstretched.
Makeover Madness
Reconnecting. Reunions, moves home, and now funerals. What do they do to us? What lengths will we go to to present ourselves in the best possible light?
Like my wife, her old friend Michelle had nearly driven herself to a nervous breakdown preparing for the funeral. Between the two of them, they had lost forty pounds; spent a thousand dollars on hair, nails, makeup, and clothes; agonized over surgical procedures, and instigated a shortage of Xanax in the state of Kentucky. Where would it end?
What was the total cost of these impromptu makeovers? Tens of thousands of dollars? Millions? I mulled this as I grabbed a second brownie off the dessert table at the post-funeral lunch. My belt python-ed my stomach in a stranglehold, but I had run out of notches. I reached out for a cupcake for the road.
A Funeral for Makeovers
A week later, life was back to normal. Thoughts of funerals and makeovers and awkward meetings with old friends had vanished. Lana was back to her old self, watching true crime on TV and noshing on late-night cereal. She was halfway through a bowl of popcorn when she got the call: Uncle Jason was on life support.
What should she do? What would you?
m666game
Yo, m666game is pretty decent for getting the lowdown on some good games. Good info, no fluff. Worth a look if you’re game hunting. Check it out y’all! m666game
Cobra Casino Freispiele nutzen
Du hast jeden Tag die Möglichkeit, Freispiele zu erhalten oder einen Bonus einzustreichen. Man kann bei
beiden über Telegram spielen – keine Daten werden abgefragt.
Doch ist es überhaupt legal in der Online Spielothek anonym
zu spielen? Mit scharfem Blick für Strategie, Psychologie und Bluff liebt er
die Herausforderung an jedem Tisch – ob online oder live.
Amer ist ein leidenschaftlicher Pokerspieler und
langjähriger Fan des Spiels.
So finden wir es sehr wichtig, nach lizenzierten Casinos ohne Verifizierung
Ausschau zu halten und auf jeden Fall diese auswählen, wenn man sich für diese Art von Portalen interessiert.
Während einige Casinos ohne Verifizierung ohne Lizenz arbeiten mögen, gibt es
auch zugelassene Plattformen, die eine Option ohne
Verifizierung anbieten. Auch wenn die Auszahlungsrichtlinien der einzelnen No Verification-Casinos unterschiedlich sind,
können die Spieler dennoch gewinnen und sich ihre Gewinne somit
schneller auszahlen lassen. Es ist möglich, in diesen Casinos ohne Verifizierung echtes Geld zu gewinnen.
Die Paysafecard ist sowohl online als auch vor Ort erhältlich,
was sie besonders flexibel macht. Paysafecard Casinos bieten euch genau diese Möglichkeit, ganz ohne Verifizierung.
Einige Buchmacher verlangen keinen Identitätsnachweis
und bieten euch somit identische Rahmenbedingungen wie
die Casinos. Um diesen Prozess beschleunigen zu können, empfehlen wir euch eure Anmeldedaten stets separat und sicher zu speichern. Progressive Jackpots wie Mega Moolah können euch
zum Multimillionär machen, Live-Spiele wie Dream Catcher bieten einen unvergleichlichen Nervenkitzel.
Das Spielangebot umfasst unterschiedliche Kategorien wie Spielautomaten, ein Live Casino,
Tischspiele oder Video Poker.
References:
https://online-spielhallen.de/online-casino-bonus-november-2025-top-angebote/
My Empire Casino Erfahrungen
Alternativ kannst du aber an den unregelmäßig stattfindenden Aktionen teilnehmen und dir mit diesen dann
Freispiele oder ein zusätzliches Bonusguthaben sichern. Gelegentlich zeigt sich Novoline auch spendabel, wenn neue Spielautomaten auf der Webseite veröffentlicht werden. Vor kurzem gab es unter anderem eine Aktion am Wochenende, durch deren Teilnahme Spieler mindestens 50 Freispiele erhielten. Du erhältst
dann 30 Tage lang je 10 Freispiele, die jeweils 24 Stunden gültig
sind.
Wie gewinne ich an Novoline Automaten? Denn obwohl sich das Bonusprogramm noch im Aufbau befindet,
so kann sich der 200 % Willkommensbonus schon jetzt sehen lassen. Nachdem Spieler aus Deutschland eine
gewisse Zeit auf Novoline Spielautomaten verzichten musste, so
ist die Wartezeit auf ein Comeback vorüber. Der Willkommensbonus wird automatisch bei der Einzahlung aktiviert.
Mit “Abspielen” bin ich damit einverstanden, dass mir Inhalte von Novomatic
AG angezeigt werden. Auch Novoline selbst entwickelt ständig neue Versionen und Nachfolger des klassisch aufgebauten Bonusspielautomaten. Dank der bundesweiten Neuregulierung des Glücksspielwesens (durch den GlüStV 2021
vom 29. Oktober 2020) sind virtuelle Automatenspiele,
online Poker und Sportwetten vollständig reguliert und lizenziert.
Ja, Sie können Novoline Slots in deutschen Casinos mit Echtgeld spielen. Ja, bei einigen Online Casinos können Sie Spielhallen Spiele ohne Registrierung kostenlos
spielen. Dank der großen Popularität von Novomatic Slots und der
vielen Fans, die vor allem Book of Ra im Online Casino mit Echtgeld spielen wollen, sind
Lizenzen für die Spiele des Hauses Novomatic weltweit
heiß begehrt.
References:
https://online-spielhallen.de/wazamba-casino-promo-code-ihr-weg-zu-spannenden-belohnungen/
crypto casino reviews 2026
Before visiting a casino or placing a bet, make sure you meet all legal
and age requirements. Rocketplay is an independent website, not affiliated with
the resources we recommend. If you feel overwhelmed while playing on our platform,
take a break to regain control and clarity. Online gambling should provide
joy and entertainment, not cause fear or anxiety about financial
losses. Are you truly ready to launch intothe action and experience
it for yourself?
RocketPlay Casino stands out among the top Australian online
offshore casinos. Our casino is strictly for
players aged 18 and over. For online baccarat to play in Australia,
our dedicated section provides various options with professional dealers and authentic casino
atmosphere. Each game features multiple variants with different rules and
betting limits to suit all players. Online slot machines are luck based games with multiple number of reels
and paylines, symbols and bonus rounds. In the ‘Table Games’ section, you will find
classic blackjack, a fundamental variant that appeals to both new and experienced players due to its simplicity and
strategic depth.
The live casino section recreates the atmosphere of a real gaming floor.
If you enjoy slots, table games, or live casino games,
RocketPlay is worth trying. This means all players have an equal chance of winning, and no
games are rigged. RocketPlay Casino Australia ensures that players can quickly access everything they need, from games to promotions.
References:
https://blackcoin.co/blackjack-tutorial/
sol casino
The Star Casino offers a diverse range of gaming options, catering to
both seasoned gamblers and newcomers alike. This app provides
convenient access to a wide range of games,
account management features, and exclusive mobile promotions.
It’s important to note that the availability of online gaming options
may vary depending on the local regulations and the specific services offered
by each casino location. With numerous dining options, luxurious accommodations, live entertainment, and a wide selection of gaming options, there’s something
for everyone. The casino offers designated parking areas for VIP guests, providing added convenience and
accessibility.
Add to that, the organisation’s dedication to providing patrons with quality restaurants, accommodations, and
entertainment, and the Crown Sydney appears to be a fine place to
plan future vacations, where one can play, relax, and unwind.
Here’s a sampling of what they see as the Crown experience
and the manner in which the Crown Sydney will provide that experience.
Spectacular views, individualized service, and the latest features and conveniences will define the Crown Sydney’s hotel rooms.
Spacious single rooms, expansive suites and lofts, and exclusive executive accommodations are the norm.
With an emphasis on privacy and prestige, Crown Sydney delivers a uniquely tailored gaming environment.
The tower is topped with the hotel’s “sky villas”,
occupying levels 67 to 69, with utilities making up the remaining levels of 70 and 71.
A shortlist of designs from Adrian Smith + Gordon Gill,
Kohn Pedersen Fox and WilkinsonEyre were subsequently selected and a jury panel was
formed to select the hotel’s final design and Principal Architect.
In 2013, Crown Resorts launched a design competition, seeking expressions of
interest from eight architecture firms with experience in similar hospitality focused projects.
References:
https://blackcoin.co/yukon-gold-casino-a-member-of-casino-rewards/
Roostake Bitcoin games
With the redesigned private gaming rooms Sovereign and Oasis, the land based casino delivers
the finest in premium gaming experiences. Mississippi stud poker, three card poker, Caribbean stud poker, and Texas Hold ’em bonus poker are among the poker games available on the casino floor.
Only two poker tables are available in the poker room, with the
majority of the games being Texas Hold ’em ($2/$3).
After you’ve finished spinning the reels, walk over to the table games area to try your hand at your favorite
table casino games. More information on premium membership
access and advantages will be sent to eligible members.
Alternatively, you might relax in your 5-star hotel room
and take in the beautiful scenery from your suite. Before you
attend the latest stage play, meet up with friends and have a meal before the night begins, or taste from the incredible buffet.
There are over six restaurants, and their website offers
a handy online table reservation option. After hours, choose from outdoor bars, sports bars, or the
neighborhood’s hotspot, The Atrium Bar. You may enjoy lush manicured grounds, an enviable location, and five-star comfort
whether you stay at The Star Grand or The Darling. There are also spa services, an outdoor pool area, and private cabanas.
References:
https://blackcoin.co/the-match-game-rules-wins-and-popular-strategies/
Canberra entertainment options
If it is a deposit bonus, you will be invited to make a deposit.
If it is a free bonus, coupon will be redeemed to your account.
Wagering is 30x bonus + deposit, 20x for the free spins.
Each bonus requires a $20 minimum deposit and can be redeemed once only.
The minimum withdrawal limits have been considered high by some, potentially posing an obstacle for players with smaller balances.
Withdrawal limits at Ozwin Casino have been a point of discussion among players.
Deposit processing is generally instant, allowing
you to start playing your favorite games right away. Cashback bonuses are often offered as part of weekly promotions or as a perk within a VIP program.
Return to Player percentages (RTPs) vary depending on the game,
and it’s recommended that players check these before playing.
References:
https://blackcoin.co/casino-game-bank-craps/
www.jobassembly.com
paypal online casino
References:
http://www.jobassembly.com
payment.crimmall.com
online casino mit paypal
References:
payment.crimmall.com
neulbom24.co.kr
online casino usa paypal
References:
https://neulbom24.co.kr/bbs/board.php?bo_table=free&wr_id=1249
sunti-apairach.com
best online casino usa paypal
References:
http://www.sunti-apairach.com/nakhonchum1/index.php?name=webboard&file=read&id=1065138