It began in a simple way, a text message wishing everyone a happy Fourth of July:
- Happy 4th, everyone! Enjoy the day!
I sent it to my brothers and sisters and sisters-in-law early, maybe noon, maybe twelve-thirty. It doesn’t matter. I had no idea what I was starting. Finally, after ten hours, after replies, replies to the replies, delayed replies, delayed replies to the delayed replies, subthreads, sub-subthreads, and sub-sub-subthreads, after so many twists and turns the meaning of the original thread became lost in a murky twilight past that only distant ancestors will be able to remember its humble origins, the thread came to an end.
It went something like this (comments in parentheses mine):
- Happy 4th to you too, Bobster (my family nickname – we’re all a “-ster” or a “-ski” in my family)
- Happy 4th!
- Happy 4th!
- Same to you. Enjoy! (I have three brothers, two sisters, and two sisters-in-law, so I’ll perform some necessary compression.)
So far, so good. Quid pro quo. We were all on the same page. I had proffered a simple holiday greeting and there had been an equal exchange. Everything was going smoothly. Only one more response to go. I waited with a sense of hope. When it came, my shoulders sank and the breath went out of me:
- Happy 4th! What’s everyone doing today?
An open-ended question, an invitation to everyone to respond in kind. This once promising thread was losing its luster. It was still young and innocent, however; it had a chance to rebound. One more round of replies wouldn’t hurt, would it?
- Going to Dripping Springs for the fireworks show. Have fun, everyone.
No questions, just closed statements, no response required. This is my secret to keeping threads “tight”. Keep ‘em “tight”. I’m big on tight threads. Another round of responses followed:
- Staying home, barbecuing. How about you?
- Hanging by the pool.
And so on and so on, until everyone had responded. Even then, there was a chance that this thread could have sailed into the net-set gracefully. I had placed my phone on the end table. It was now somewhere close to two p.m. I remember it as I was about to blow up Colleen’s kiddie pool and fill it with water.
- BTW, how are the girls?
I have a girl, my brothers have two girls. I’m happy to discuss them. It’s one of my joys in life, but it didn’t matter now. Nothing did. The thread had gone rogue. Comments poured in. Someone had corrupted this sweet, youthful thread. Where would it end?
To be continued (Part 2)…
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