My Hallmark Life – Part IV (a Visit to the Christmas Tree Farm)

Four weeks into my Hallmark challenge and I’m right on track.  My goal was to turn my life into a Hallmark Christmas movie by copying the tried-and-true Hallmark formula, and so far that’s exactly what’s happened.

Formula recap: an ice carving contest – check; snowball fight – check; a mild misunderstanding following a half-overheard conversation – check; an interrupted kiss – check again; a Christmas cookie bake-off – you bet; and a mysterious stranger who could actually be Santa Claus – double-check.

My Hallmark Life: a visit to a Christmas tree farm in March? Who's with me? Click To Tweet

What was I missing?  A trip to a Christmas tree farm; a love-filled trip on the Christmas train; a town filled with year-round Christmas spirit; and a magical snow globe.

Would I be able to knock all these off in one week?

The Snow Globe

Taking the place of Santa’s toy-bag, a large globe occupied the back end of Santa’s sleigh.  With a shake, a snowstorm inside whitened a quaint village.

“I’m going to make a wish,” I said to my wife.

“Why?”

“It’s classic Hallmark,” I said.  “Wish on a snow globe, and the magical spirit of Christmas makes it come true.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Wait a second,” I said, searching the air, “I feel it.”  I put my hand on her shoulder.  “It’s coming true.”  I pulled three tickets out of my pocket.  “Look.”  I waved them towards her.  “It’s an all-expenses paid ride on the Christmas train.”

“Did Colleen make these?” she said.

“No, but I used her crayons.”

“What’s the Christmas train?”

“You’ll find out.”

The Christmas Train

Only a few short moments later, I had whisked her outside to show her all the work I had done to our SUV.  The billboard on top read “Christmas Train.”

“What did you do to my car?”

“Christmas train, you mean.”

“We are getting a new car, right?”

“Make a wish on the snow globe, and all of your dreams will come true.”

“I’m going to start looking.”

“We can talk about that,” I said, “on the way to the Christmas tree farm!”

“Hooray,” said Colleen.  Six-year olds don’t need any help spreading the Christmas spirit, even in March.

Our Loving Neighbors

As we piled into the car, I saw my neighbor out on his front lawn.  “Merry Christmas, Frank!”

“It’s March, you nut.”

“And a Happy New Year!”

He walked out into the street, brimming with holiday cheer.  “You put another ornament on my lawn again, I’ll have you arrested!”

A garbage pail at the foot of his driveway overflowed with a shiny reindeer, the lid unable to close, propped open by one of the runners from Santa’s sleigh.  This was classic Hallmark: the grouchy neighbor who learns to experience the joys of Christmas.

“Drop over later for a hot chocolate,” I said.  “We’ll build a gingerbread house together.”

“I’m gonna’ knock you over the head with a plastic snowman.”

“We’ll make a wish on my magical snow globe.”

As we drove away, Frank banging on the window of the car, I could see he was unimpressed by my enchanted offer.

“No gingerbread house?” asked Lana.

“I’ll touch base with him later.”

The Christmas Tree Farm

After a short three-hour ride, we arrived at the farm ready for a sleigh ride, along with some hot chocolate and cider.  Imagine our chagrin when we found a chain across the driveway.  A dangling sign announced: Closed.  No trespassing.

“This can’t be right,” I said.

“We’ve come all this way and now we have to turn around?” said Lana.

“Daddy, I have to go potty,” said Colleen

“What does the magical snow globe have to say about that?” asked Lana.

This was a critical juncture.  We couldn’t have come all this way just to fail.  The “Spirit of Hallmark Present” wouldn’t allow it.  It was too perfect.  A colonial home set back from the road had the exact, homey feeling I was expecting.  A patio swing on the wraparound porch seemed frozen in the winter stillness of Hallmark.  I couldn’t leave, no matter the “Beware of Dogs” sign I spotted.

“You know what I think?” I said.

“Oh, no.”  She dropped her head into her hands.

“I think this Christmas tree farm is in desperate need of a dose of the Hallmark spirit.”

“No.”  She shook her head.  “No, it isn’t.”

“They need us.”

“Let’s just go.”

“I agree,” I said, “Let’s go show them what it’s like to experience the magic of Christmas in March.”  I got out of the car and unclipped the chain from one of the posts.

The Escape

With my back turned, I could only see the horror on my wife’s face as she pointed at some terrible vision behind me.  After a quick glance over my shoulder, I sprinted back to the car, barely making it inside before the chomping maw of a nasty Doberman Pinscher tore at my tush.

The chinking links of the fence must have alerted it to our attempted entry.  When we saw a man with a shotgun appear on the patio, I decided to cut our magical trip on the Christmas van short.  We bolted out of the driveway and hightailed it back to the highway as fast as we could.

Later, at a remote diner, we debriefed over a chicken-fried steak.

“You know what?” I said, brimming with a can-do Hallmark attitude, “we got to see those young saplings on the beginning of their journey towards Christmas paradise.”

“Whatever you say, dear.”

I leaned over to her side to kiss her.  She moved towards me.  Just as our lips were about to meet, she turned away.  I opened my eyes.

Her face displayed a Grinch-like grin.  “Classic Hallmark,” she said.

I smiled.  “Nice.”

Keeping Hallmark Alive

It hasn’t been easy, but I think I’ve done my best keeping the Hallmark spirit alive.  From ice carving to snowball fights, from Christmas cookie bake-offs to Christmas tree farms, I’ve tried to perpetuate the Christmas spirit, and mitigate the effects of Hallmark movie withdrawal.

Have I inspired anyone to do the same?  Has anyone else tried to keep the spirit of the Hallmark Christmas movie alive?  Let me know.