Where Does the Red Brick Road Lead? – Part 2 (Flying Monkeys)

Following an arduous search, I had located Marsha Mallow, former Lollipop Leaguer and last remaining link to the Red Brick Road.  After a half dozen butterscotch and sodas, would she be able to remember its location?  Would her hatred of flying monkeys get in the way?

Continued from Where Does the Red Brick Road Lead? – Part 1.

Where Does the Red Brick Road Lead? And How Do You Escape the Flying Monkeys? #robertglover #comedy Click To Tweet

After an hour, the table was piled with the remains of empty highball glasses.  I didn’t know how she stayed upright.  She regaled me with stories about the merry old Land of Oz and what it was like to be the Lollipop League’s prima ballerina, all good stuff.  Finally, the talk turned to Munchkinland.

Flying Monkeys

“Great place to be a kid, but it all went downhill after the Wizard left.”  Her head lolled from side to side.  “Flying monkeys always looking for handouts, camping out on streets, complete disaster.”

“What about the red brick road?”

“They were there too.”  She reared up.  “Dirty, smelly things!  Never wash themselves.”

“They’re monkeys.”

“Won’t leave you alone.  Always scratchin’ themselves in public!”

“Okay, I get it.”

“I know they’re monkeys!”  She was on a rampage.  “Monkeys everywhere!  Exposin’ themselves and doin’ their business in the streets.”

I had to get her off the topic of homeless flying monkeys.  “What about the red brick road?”

“Always in the most inappropriate places too.  And in front of kids.  Disgusting.”  She lolled again, looked down into the empty glass she was holding, then lay her head on the table.

I reached across and shook her arm.  She didn’t budge.  A raspy snore broke into a steady cadence.  That was it, I thought.  She was out and I’d never find out about the red brick road.  What a waste of time.  I was about to pay the bill and leave when she lifted her head.

“So you want to know about the R.B.?”

I sat back down.

Roz

Marsha leaned back and motioned for the waitress to bring another butterscotch and soda.  “What do you want to know?”

“For one thing, where does the red brick road, the R.B., lead?”

Her eye slits grew wider.  “Lead?”

“Yeah.  The yellow brick road leads to Oz.  Where does the red brick road lead?”

“To Roz, of course.”

Roz?  She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like I’d asked her to add two plus two, or whether boys ought to be able to compete in girls’ sports.  I had never heard of Roz.  It had never received one mention in all the newspaper or magazine articles I had read.

“Roz?”

“That’s right.  The Rough and Gruff Realm of Roz.”

This was too much.  “The Rough and Gruff Realm of Roz?  I’ve never heard of Roz.”

“Of course you haven’t.  Most under-Rainbow’ers haven’t.  It’s not something we talked about outside of the ‘land.”

“This is incredible.”  I was so excited I felt like I was floating.  “Is it still there?  How do you get there?  Where does the road begin?”

She laughed, more of a bulldog’s bark than what you’d expect to hear from a nonagenarian munchkin.  “Catch the first tornado you can get,” she said.

My stomach sank.  I should have known there’d be a catch.  “Seems dangerous.  Isn’t there another way?”

Heavy lids stared across the rim of her glass.  “Used to be you could get there via Venice.”

“Venice?  Italy?”

“Italy?”  I might have said Mars or Jupiter by the way she stared.  “Try Boulevard.”  She chugged down lucky seven butterscotch and soda.

“Venice Boulevard in Hollywood, you mean?”

“Behind a used car lot.  At least it used to be.”

“The Rough and Gruff Realm of Roz is in Hollywood, California?”

“I didn’t say that.  I said it’s at the end of the R.B.”

“Where’s Roz then?”

“You gotta’ take the R.B. to find out.”

“So I go to Hollywood, I go behind this used car lot, I find the R.B.-“

“What’s left of it.”

“Then I follow the R.B. to Roz.”  I was looking into her eyes for confirmation.  “Does that make sense?”  Her vacant eyes stared through me.

“Yeah,” she said, making a mental landing back in the booth after a hiatus to parts unknown.  “Just watch out for those dirty monkeys.”

Back on the Road

Back on the road, I rolled down the windows and turned up the Led Zeppelin.  I was headed west now.  I had no idea what I would discover along the R.B., or in the Rough and Gruff Realm of Roz, but I was excited to find out.

To be continued in Part 3…